Your Movie Sucks
Roger Ebert's <i>I Hated Hated Hated This Movie</i>, which gathered some of his most scathing reviews, was a best-seller. This new collection continues the tradition, reviewing not only movies that were at the bottom of the barrel, but also movies that he found underneath the barrel.<BR><BR>From Roger's review of <i>Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo</i> (0 stars): "The movie created a spot of controversy in February 2005. According to a story by Larry Carroll of MTV News, Rob Schneider took offense when Patrick Goldstein of the <i>Los Angeles Times</i> listed this year's Best Picture nominees and wrote that they were 'ignored, unloved, and turned down flat by most of the same studios that . . . bankroll hundreds of sequels, including a follow-up to <i>Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo</i>, a film that was sadly overlooked at Oscar time because apparently nobody had the foresight to invent a category for Best Running Penis Joke Delivered by a Third-Rate Comic.'<BR><BR>Schneider retaliated by attacking Goldstein in full-page ads in <i>Daily Variety</i> and the <i>Hollywood Reporter</i>. In an open letter to Goldstein, Schneider wrote: 'Well, Mr. Goldstein, I decided to do some research to find out what awards you have won. I went online and found that you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind. . . . Maybe you didn't win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven't invented a category for Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who's Never Been Acknowledged by His Peers. . . .'<BR> <BR>Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks. But Schneider is correct, and Patrick Goldstein has not yet won a Pulitzer Prize. Therefore, Goldstein is not qualified to complain that Columbia financed <i>Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo</i> while passing on the opportunity to participate in <i>Million Dollar Baby, Ray, The Aviator, Sideways</i>, and <i>Finding Neverland</i>. As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks."